So yes, I was told by my pastor that God for sure brought my narc husband and me together. How could I date doubt it? The trials had to be learning tools for me that God was working something. Or so I thought? From the beginning it was hard but I just wanted to be better and better. At times I would get so frustrated and disgusted by him, but then after a few days he would convince me that relationship was about compromise and I would carry on.
Little by little, I was developing some sort of co dependent trauma bond, and I didn’t even realize it. Since I felt it was a Godly relationship (because of where I met him and what my pastor friend said), I guess I was willing to go through fire. I had already failed so much in relationships, I was determined not to do it again. That means I would take the blame for everything. Although I knew deep down something was off, I still chose to believe that God takes us ways we don’t know.
Even to this day, as I think about the pain and wonder why God allowed it to happen, I still have to trust that it was for good. No one crosses our paths by accident, and no matter what we choose to believe, even if it didn’t have a “happy” ending, surely it was vital to what our souls needed to find ourselves getting to where we had to go.
Love,
Chelley
A Survivor’s Heart 